“Love Your Stepchildren As Your Own”
by childless stepparent
Many stepparents have heard this advice (often from people who are not stepparents): “You should love your stepchildren as your own.”
My response? That is IMPOSSIBLE.
This is not to say that stepparents can’t love their stepchildren with full hearts. They can. I do.
But I do not love my husband’s daughter as if she were my own child. How in the world could I? Why would I try to? Why not just let it be what it is?
The love we have is a different love. Not better, not worse, just different.
Manifesto #6 | I will be kind to my stepchild. I will support my husband in his role as her dad. I will contribute – on my own terms.
Childless Stepparent 
Yes! When I try and put words to my love it…. I love her somewhere in between the love of an extremely involved aunt and the love of a mother. Better yet… I love her like my stepdaughter!
Jackie, thank you for your comment! I often hear stepmoms describe themselves as aunt-ish. That works for me, too. However, I have had a big part in raising my nieces and nephews. I’m actually less connected to my husband’s daughter than I am to them, simply due to the connection that comes with time and family.
Do you ever feel that “stepmom” and “stepdaughter” don’t accurately describe your experience? I’ve read that a lot and wrote a post about how we need a new term for ourselves: https://childlessstepparent.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/we-need-a-new-term-for-childless-stepparents/