Mother’s Day for Childless Stepmoms

by childless stepparent

As a childless stepparent, Mother’s Day is all about celebrating my mom, my sisters, my friends, my husband’s mom – all the amazing moms in my life.

On Mother’s Day, I want to shower the moms in my life with the love and appreciation they deserve. I wish them a day full of laughter and peace.

Mother’s Day is a tough day for me, as it is for many childless stepmoms.

Thoughts come and go. How I always assumed I would have a child with the man I love. How much I want to be a mom, so much it makes my heart hurt. Then I must face a cold hard fact: that is not going to happen for me. It astonishes me, how much pain is caused by missing something I’ve never had, never will have.

I must let go. Accept. Celebrate my life as it is.

My life is happy, peaceful, abundant. I am grateful for my husband, my health, my home, my family, my work, my animals, my friends. I am lucky to have so many great kiddos in my life: my nephews, my nieces, my husband’s daughter. I love them all so much.

But there’s no getting around it: it’s a hard day.

This year, my husband’s daughter is with me on Mother’s Day. My husband is away, visiting his parents. His former wife asked that their daughter be dropped off later in the day, hungry and dressed up, so I assume she has something special planned.

If the weather’s nice, I may take my husband’s daughter for a short morning hike in the forest behind our house. Then I’ll help her get ready for her special time with her mom. I’ll make sure she packs her Mother’s Day gifts: the bracelet and card she made with the paper and ribbon and beads I got for her. Then I will drop her off with her mom.

It will be a bittersweet day for me, spending it with my husband’s daughter. She will experience only the sweet, though. I will keep everything light and fun. Easy breezy.

Then I will do something nice for myself. Flowers? A pedicure? Reading on the deck with my dog and cats and a nice glass of wine? Whatever it is, I will treat myself gently and with love on Mother’s Day.

I will step back. Breathe. And let go.

Tips for Childless Stepmoms on Mother’s Day:

1. Mother’s Day can be happy, and it can be hard. Let your thoughts and feelings come and go.
2. Treat yourself gently and with love on Mother’s Day.
3. Do something special for yourself.
4. Do something special for the moms in your life.
5. Allow Mother’s Day to be about the mom of your spouse’s child. It is her day.
6. Let your spouse know this is a great time to celebrate you and all you do for his child.
7. If your spouse or his child show you appreciation with a card or a gift, accept it with an open heart.
8. If you want to celebrate as a family, consider Stepmother’s Day, which is the Sunday after Mother’s Day.
9. Take a step back. Breathe. Let go.

Manifesto #3 | I am not a mom. The part of myself I thought I would give my child – as a mom – has nowhere to go, and that’s okay.

Manifesto #2 | I am a wife first and a stepparent second. I will enjoy being with my husband and his child. I will enjoy being childfree. I will create time and space for myself.